So check this out. D and I agreed that we would do an interview/conversation post as part of the blog tour she’s doing as part of her book promotion. We went over those plans a few nights ago, sipping drinks out in the warm evening, and she felt that recapping that conversation was the best way to launch into the post. This is what she sent me.
While sitting on the deck watching the sunset, the Dweebette hassles the Dweeb.
Dweebette: So when are you going to answer those questions for me for the blog interview?
The Dweeb turns his head away and peers out at some clouds, thinks for a few minutes and then returns to looking at his phone.
The Dweebette: You know what? Your Space Marine name has to be Procrastinator Infuruious! (with dramatic emphasis) or something like that.
The Dweeb looks up and makes eye contact.
The Dweebette: What do you think mine would be?”
Dweeb: You’d have trouble with the canon being female.
Dweebette: I would be called Efficienata.
Dweeb. You would too.
Dweebette: So maybe we should use some Latin on that name Procrastinator.
Dweeb: Well actually there was a guy called Procrastes.
Dweebette: Really. Did he procrastinate?
Dweeb: No, he had a bed that he boasted that anyone could fit in it. Theseus visited him but figured out what he was doing. Procrastes used to either cut the people to fit the bed or mash them and pulverise their bones so that they fit the bed if they were too short. Theseus put Procrastes in the bed. He was a head too long so Theseus chopped off his head.
Dweebette: Really. I like Theseus.
Dweeb: I loved those tales when I was young.
Dweebette: It was Disney for me. Jason and the Argonauts and I really loved…loved…um…what’s it called again. Oh yeah! The Clash of the Titans.
Dweeb: Me too.
They stare at the sunset, comment on the clouds and the colour.
Dweebette: So about this blog interview you know…about my dark, nasty fantasy. Don’t you want to tell people that it’s free for a short time?
Dweeb: Makes eye contact.
Dweebette: I sent you questions. I asked you to send me some. Nothing. Nada. Maybe I’ll just talk about the Dweeb’s science experiment in the bedroom.
Dweebette: You know where your clothes are mutating into life forms and creeping out of the clothes basket and the ones on the floor are oozing all over the place.
Dweeb: So does it have to be an intellectually, writerly thing?
Dweebette: I thought some banter like this would be cool, actually.
Dweeb: Right then.
Dweebette: Shall I just write up this conversation and send it to you?
Dweeb: That might work better than emailing each other questions.
Dweebette: Okay then. I’ll just do that now then.
There are a few details that seem to have been sneakily redacted from this little vignette, like my hilarious reference to Procrastes as the first AirBnB serial killer, or my generous offer to let D read my Girl Genius trade paperback editions even after her slanderous jokes about my tidiness habits.
I choose not to dwell on those. Instead, I’m going to bring up another exchange that was edited out, in which D threatened to use her mosquito-attracting powers to draw a huge swarm of the insects to her and then fire them at me in a high-velocity barrage of many mosquitoes per second. I don’t doubt for an instant her ability to actually do this, but since my wits were a little… relaxed… by the glass of Tempus Two merlot I was drinking at the time, I think I’m missing some crucial aspect of the plan’s actual execution. To wit: how was she planning to turn her ability to draw mosquitoes in to feed on herself (which she can totally do, she has some heavy feeding-time pheromone signal stuff going on as far as mozzies are concerned) into having them attack me?
I didn’t leave those bits out on purpose! I forgot all that other interesting stuff in our conversation because I’m such a genius that my rapid thoughts are hard to keep in my head. The only bit I deliberately left out was the second Roman story and that might possibly be because I couldn’t recall it all. Sieve in brain. That’s why we should start podcasts. No need for remembering my genius remarks or yours.
With regards to mosquitos, I was going to offer myself up for bait. To get them to attack you is to totally cloak you in my DNA so that you unwittingly become the draw card. Also, speaking of mosquitos I had forgotten about that amazing mozzie attack where I resembled a leper or a ravaged walking dead person. I think the scars have only just disappeared. NZ mosquitoes find me tasty.
And you know I confessed online recently that I’m messier than you. We can discuss that at a later time! Ahem! The book plug! Just get on with it.
You can imagine what our podcasts would be like. Hell, you can imagine what local people who encounter us in person have to go through. Maybe you should just read our books instead.
Speaking of which, did I mention that my partner, Donna Hanson, is promoting her fantasy novel Shatterwing with a blog tour and free giveaway?
Shatterwing is the story of a handful of desperate survivors on the world of Margra, whose society is collapsing into savagery after the cataclysm that shattered its moon and heralded the coming of the dragons. The dragons’ essence can be captured in Dragon Wine, a drink that is as dangerous and difficult to make as it is powerful and life-giving. The vicious and autocratic Inspector plans to use his control over the Dragon Wine vineyards to rule Margra’s ruins. Standing in his way are the young royal rebel Brill and the vintner Salinda, who may have the power to stop the Inspector if only she can learn how to use it…
Check out the Dragon Wine page on Momentum Books here. The site has links to download the book in all e-formats, and you can get a free copy of the e-book from the site for as long as the promotion is running. Additionally all comments on any of the blog tour posts put the commenter in the draw to win a physical copy.
I’m the fifth stop along the tour. Donna has already visited…
…Amanda Bridgeman’s blog with an excerpt from the book…
…Alan Baxter’s blog to talk about worldbuilding and inspiration…
…The Smashdragons blog to talk about making fantasy dark, and…
…Alis Franklin’s blog with five pieces of writing advice she’d give her younger self.
And don’t forget that Shatterwing has a sequel, Skywatcher, as the fight for what’s left of the world of Margra intensifies.
Aaand on we go.